Preparing to Leave More Safely

Leaving is a process, not a single moment

Leaving can be one of the most dangerous periods in an abusive relationship. A plan should fit your actual risks, resources, culture, family, disability, finances, and location. You do not owe anyone a departure date, and choosing to stay while gathering information does not mean you accept the abuse.

A trained advocate can help you think through risks without pressuring you. Use a safer phone or device if your searches, calls, transportation, or accounts may be monitored.

Prepare only what is safe

Some people quietly gather information over days or months; others must leave quickly. Do not create a checklist that could be discovered if discovery would increase danger.

• Identify at least one place you could go at different times of day
• Keep essential medication, identification, keys, and emergency contacts accessible
• Memorize one important phone number in case your device is unavailable
• Consider transportation, children, pets, accessibility needs, work, and school
• Use a code word with a trusted person that means you need help

After separation

Risk may continue after a relationship ends. Review home, work, school, transportation, digital accounts, and legal options with an advocate. Save threatening messages or incident details only when doing so is safe. Protective-order rules and enforcement vary, so seek qualified local legal guidance rather than relying on general online information.